As many of you know I was going to write a blog about this guy who I thought was my friend, who took things a little to far and got caught. Basically I was going to go on and on about how awful he was and decided against it. Although we are all sinners and make mistakes there are some of us that repent and move on. He made a public Facebook status yesterday (again knowing I was going to blog about it so he knew he was going to get caught, again) and many friends sent me the statement and was just amazed about him making excuses and even lying about the whole situation. I then decided that I wasn’t even going to blog about it. After a lot of prayer and quiet time I felt like even though this whole situation happened it taught me to be very careful who I invest my time with, who I feel called to engage with and who to share my faith with. We as Christians are supposed to be modeling a life just like Jesus. We are supposed to be imitating our lives just as He lived when he was on earth. Looking through these blogs all I am doing is complaining all of the time. That stinks. That is NOT how He intends me to live. I follow Him, not friends, shows, ministries and all the other stuff along the way. So actually I can thank this creeper because I learned something, actually a few things.
#1: Why would anybody want to be a Christian or support what I am doing with our nonprofit if I am constantly complaining and have this “bad attitude” about it? Why would they want what I have if it is negative all of the time? Jesus calls us ALL to be disciples of Him and make more disciples by showing His light in us to others. That is why I named our nonprofit ILLUMINAtE, wanting to bring LIGHT and HOPE to the darkest parts of KC. Again, not what I am doing.
#2: When in times of struggle go to Him, not Facebook friends. I was reading the bible, other Christian books, seeing a therapist, the list goes on and on but when it came down to it when I was at my lowest this guy was always popping up with a text or message. I didn’t have the accountability with my close group of friends, not because they weren’t there but because I chose not to tell them. Again, in all fairness I was under the impression that myself and this guy were just friends and he was a Christ follower. I have A LOT of friends in the CCM biz but this one isn’t really in that biz anymore and I should of known better. Again, I never did anything out of line to where I have regrets, except thinking this person was my friend, telling him everything, really personal stuff going on in my life and now regretting it. Those were secrets from my heart and thought he was someone, a close friend I could share those with.
#3: Hope. I know there is hope. I know we aren’t home yet so have to live on this sinful earth until we do. I see hope in Him, I listen for Him and feel Him in me. Three mornings ago I felt this wave of forgiveness just wash over me during my quiet time just as the sun was coming up. I know that was Him telling me I am forgiven. Forgiven for what? All of it. I just cried and cried, almost to the point of being delirious. No matter what Jesus knows I love Him. That it is an endless love that no person, situation or silly musician can break, hurt or make me have doubts. Jesus just wants me closer to Him. Jesus wants us all to be “fishers of men” just as Jesus called Peter. I want Jesus, bottom line. No matter what goes on I want Him to be smiling down upon me and showering my family and I with kisses and I know how I get that. I get closer to Him. I read His word, I listen for His voice and I follow His lead. Many of you have been praying for my family, ILLUMINAtE and myself and want you to know those prayers are what lifts me up. The power of prayer is more powerful than any other thing I have seen or witnessed. I want you to know how much that means to me and how grateful I am to have a group of people who actually cares.
Love conquers ALL. Jesus is love so that means He is calling the shots in my life, all of them. For Him, always. Amen.